LifeQuest Centre for Reproductive Medicine

A diagnosis of infertility is upsetting to both men and women. Studies have shown that couples experiencing infertility tend to have elevated levels of stress, anger, guilt, depression and anxiety. Infertility patients are more likely to have lower self-esteem and quality of life. Those experiencing infertility often experience a loss of confidence and feel they have lost control over their lives. Their sexual relationships usually suffer, and marital satisfaction decreases. Most couples going through infertility find that their relationships with friends, family members, and coworkers are strained.

Some studies show, however, that while infertility causes emotional difficulty for both partners, men and women react differently depending on whether the medical problem is diagnosed in themselves or their partner.

Male infertility seems to carry more of a stigma than female fertility problems, which means men may be more embarrassed or ashamed than women when they get an infertility diagnosis. Sometimes, women will shield their male partner from this embarrassment by telling others that that the medical problem causing infertility is hers when in fact it is his. This situation has been called “courtesy stigma” – it appears to be less shameful for a woman than for a man to publicly claim a diagnosis of infertility. It is extremely rare for a man to tell his friends and family that the infertility is due to a sperm problem if the medical issue is with his female partner.

A study comparing men’s and women’s emotional responses to an infertility diagnosis divided people into four groups: men and women whose partner was diagnosed with infertility, and men and women who were themselves found to have the fertility problem. This study found that whether the diagnosis was in the man or the woman, all women responded the same. They were high on all measures of distress. If a man was diagnosed with infertility, his emotional response was the same as the women’s – but if his partner got the diagnosis, he was less upset.

Often, when one partner is first diagnosed with a fertility issue, if the other partner later also receives a diagnosis of a fertility challenge, the couple is surprised to feel a sense of relief along with upset at the additional bad news. For many couples, a fertility problem that is truly shared, medically and emotionally, reduces blame and guilt, and allows them to feel more equal and connected.

Both men and women are at times bewildered by their partner’s emotional response to infertility. Studies such as these give us an interesting look at how men’s and women’s emotional responses are similar and how they may be different.